Numb
by Whoopsxx
Summary: It was true; he loved his Shadowhunter. He loved him so much. *Basically sad Malec


It was late in the morning, not an unusal time for the warlock to wake up. When he opened his eyes he was greeted with a wonderful sight. Alec lay beside him, on his stomach, eyes closed and face peaceful. His arms were folded and his head rested in them. Inky black hair and various, scattered runes were shockingly contrast to pale, alabaster skin. The sun shone through the window and hit the Shadowhunter in such a way that it seemed he was bathing in the golden glow. Slowly, his blue, blue eyes fluttered open, meeting Magnus' gaze. "Were you staring at me?" He had asked, sleep still heavy in his voice. "Not staring. Just observing," Magnus had said slyly in reply. The edges of the younger boy's lips quirked up in the start of a smile. Oh, how Magnus loved that smile.

**His**

A terrible day was ensured for Magnus. He'd been all over the city all day, and really, he didn't think his clients could be any more stupid. All he wanted to do when he got home was curl up in a ball on his wonderfully comfy bed and sulk and maybe even wallow in self pity a little bit. Alec would not be over for at least another day, much to Magnus's dismay. But all of what Magnus was feeling quickly disappeared when he opened the door and spotted Alec's worn out running shoes sitting neatly by the door. He smiled some, and spotted an unruly nest of black hair peeking from the top of the couch. "You're early," Magnus had speculated, sauntering over to the couch and plopping himself gracefully onto it - of course, Magnus was the only person Alec knew who could make even plopping look graceful. "I am," Alec had replied, looking over at the warlock. "Miss me?" He added, teasing the warlock. "More than you'd know," Magnus said, grinning and drawing Alec into a kiss. Magnus loved Alec's kisses.

**Shadowhunter**

Magnus walked into the kitchen to find Alec standing in front of the stove, gloriously shirtless and cooking something that smelt absolutely wonderful. Alec was a great cook, and didn't Magnus know it, but notheless, Magnus still had to tease the poor Shadowhunter. He strode into the room and stopped behind Alec, loosely wrapping his arms around the younger boy's waist. "Good morning, Alexander," He'd said, placing a small kiss at the back of Alec's neck. "Morning," He'd murmured back. "I do hope for my own well being that Isabelle did not give you this recipe," Magnus teased, grinning and nuzzling his face into the crook of the Shadowhunter's neck. Alec had thrown his head back and laughed, a gentle, pleasant laugh that Magnus always welcomed with open ears. Magnus thought that Alec had the best laugh.

**was**

"I love you," Alec had uttered quietly one evening. They were laying on the couch together - well, Alec was laying on the couch, his head in a sitting Magnus's lap. (And Chairman Meow had made residence down near Alec's feet.) Watching some weird mundane drama show had proved too uninteresting for Alec so he'd retreated into his own thoughts. Magnus had noticed that Alec wasn't completely there, and was going to suggest going to bed, (not sleeping, of course. It was _much_ to early for that) but he hadn't had the heart to shake the younger boy out of his thoughts. And then Magnus had looked down at Alec after he'd said that and smiled at the red blush that crept along Alec's cheeks as he averted his blue eyes over to the tv. Magnus brushed some of Alec's hair out of his eyes and "I love you too." The warlock did not miss the way Alec's eyes seemed to brighten, and the small smile that touched the corners of his lips as he gazed up at Magnus. And Magnus felt no regret or anything because it was true; he loved his Shadowhunter. He loved him so much.

**gone.**

"Alexander, can you hear me? Alexander!?" Magnus had demanded, shaking the young boy. He knew it was useless because he was _gone_ and it was all his fault but another part of him told that it couldn't be, it was impossible. The Shadowhunter was covered in blood and ichor, his blue eyes staring but not really _seeing._ And he wouldn't even be dead if it weren't for Magnus. It was his fault and he knew it. Alec had saved him from a demon that was about to attack him from behind and the boy, the stupid, _stupid_ boy had jumped in and saved him and died in the process. For the first time in a long time Magnus had broke down, tears running down his face as he cradled Alec's body in his arms. He should've been the one to die. He'd lived over 800 years and Alec had only lived 18 and it wasn't fair, _it just wasn't fair. _

**Forever.**

Magnus laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He did not want to be here, in his own, startlingly empty house. Of course, it was the same as ever, and it was not in fact empty at all. But it seemed that way to Magnus as it was missing a quiet, thoughtful, content, black haired, blue eyed Shadowhunter that he had loved so dearly. It was full of old memories that _hurt_. He did not want to think about these memories at all, but they crept their way in, silently, anyways. All Magnus wanted was for this to be a dream. He wanted to go to sleep and when he woke up in the morning Alec would be there, sleeping beside him. But that would not happen. It would never happen. All day Magnus could not stop thinking of his Shadowhunter; memories plagued him every step he took inside his own place, and out. All night, the single memory of Alec dying was all he saw, sleeping or not. Nothing really seemed to matter anymore. All he was was numb; a walking ghost. And the worst part was that Magnus would live on, _forever, _with the knowledge that he was the sole reason Alec was gone.

-Wow okay so I really hope that you kind of understand how I put the whole format thingy. The bolded, right aligned words make a sentence when read together and the center alligned paragraph type things are Magnus's memories of Alec and himself together. I just had a lot of feels today and then I had this type of idea and it just got depressing and yeah don't mind me I'm kind of crying now but whatever. I hope you understood what I was getting at and you liked it. You're all wonderful and I've gotten nothing but wonderful reviews on my other two Malec stories.-


End file.
